2 posts tagged “annoying tv”

There are some people who I really wonder about, made more interesting by the fact that I do not know them.  Oprah is one.  Rachael Ray is another. (Sandra Lee is also another but she gets her own post--and has on this blog already.) Back to Rachael. We've watched said perky, non-chef, cookery maid change already simple but lovable "American" cuisine for the worst by introducing the concept of 30-Minute Meals which allows us to revel in dishes like "Zangy* Hot Dog Nachos" (ugh...a conundrum for me because I shamelessly LOVE both components but love them for who they are separately...c'mon) or "Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Chili...which is regular chili with a completely asinine adjective attached.  I'm begging you not to get me started on the aforementioned adjectives that, upon reaching my ears, create such intense rage I feel the only way to deal with it is violence. (EVOO, GB, WTF...that last one's mine).

Of course, I blame Bob Tushman--who belongs in the 7th circle of Hell with fellow blood-traitors to the human race Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin (thrown in really just as a Cheney torture device)--who I firmly believe will get his in the end.  But back to Rachael.  Here's the shameless part.  After giving us 279082908374 episodes of meals full of carbs, saturated fat upon saturated fat (see "Zangy Hot Dog Nachos"), all the while calling them healthy because there's some vegetable presence, she's peddling a diet plan...on Facebook. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  As if I haven't seen enough of the cookbooks, the spices, the pots and pans, the television show, the magazine, the dog food (I'm not kidding).  Now we need a diet plan and why?  Because her original claim to this world, giving us healthy quick meals, has actually failed.  Turns out "rootin' tootin'" is just another way to say "McDonalds". So, does she admit that things didn't work out the way she thought?  No.  She saves us with her awesomely unique diet plan based on the brilliant principles of "eat less" and "exercise."  Thank God for RR. 

I'm beginning to wonder how to really respond to this phenomenon which is becoming a real issue.  Now that we've got all of these flash-in-the-pan celebrities who are famous only on personality without any discernable talent or skills...how do we stop it.  I say it's a two-prong attack.  Put the credit card away and turn off the tv.  Apathy, people.  The answer isn't anger and resistance.  I think it's apathy.  Maybe if we just don't care, she'll go away. This'd take care of Billy Mayes and the Luna people too. 

*Um, of course, "zangy" is a fun combo of the words "zesty" and "tangy"; one such linguistic device that has eaten away at our already sad grammar and vocabulary prowess in this country.  And it infuses an implied level of fun into this food that I find objectionable.       

Who's the most annoying person on TV?

This is a good question and I feel I'm more than qualified to give my opinion.  I'll give you my top 10 in descending order...to build suspense.
10. Billy Hayes (aka "The Oxy-Clean Guy")  What a voice...an annoying, cloying, oddly urgent shouting voice.
9. Ryan Seacrest (on E!) Like American Idol isn't bad enough...I just assumed that was scripted, but the E! News Anchor job proves that you really are a tool, Ryan.
8. Jay Leno Can anyone remember the last time that guy was funny?  Poor Johnny.  I sense his legacy is aching.
7. Carson Daly Just exactly HOW is this guy famous? Obviously, there's a reason he's on at 1a.m. CT, but even those airwaves are worth something.
6. The two guys on Pardon My Interruption  Wow.  Had I known bickering was marketable as a t.v. show, my family and I could have been millionaires by now.
5. Oprah Winfrey So condescending, so holier-than-thou.  And Tyra Banks has been taking notes, god forbid.
4. Rachael Ray Perky beyond my comfort zone.  I know people always say, "Oh she's so relatable...she doesn't see herself as a star."  An easy attitude when you have a gazillion dollars and Oprah's in your MyFaves. And I can't stand her abbreviations: EVOO, GB (garbage bowl, which she has to tell you every time because who would know that), delish.  Ugh.  Not delish.
3. Maury Povich Something in him has to be saying, "I was once a respected journalist." (He actually was.) "Now, I just might be your baby's daddy."
2. Nancy Grace/Greta Van Susteren/Bill O'Reilly (basically all of FOX news) Making rude acceptable one ugly and violent interview at a time.
1a. Paula Dean The woman gets more southern every time she appears on tv.  And Paula's Party...should be called "Appall-a's Party"  NOT FUN TELEVISION.
1. Greg Behrendt The fine author of He's Just Not That Into You which now makes him capable of a self- titled talk show aimed at "self-help."  He should get some. What an idiot. 

Now, just to be fair, I of course offer my 10 favorites (most entertaining) on television and because they sincerely are.  While I could spend hours laughing at people on tv, these are the ones that I voluntarily turn on time and again because I find them inherently enjoyable.

10. Larry, Robin, Paul, Val, Anna, and Dean (the morning crew on WGN news) I've never seen such irreverence and good-hearted fun on a newscast.  They are usually the reason I get up that early.  Love it.
9. Alton Brown (Good Eats) I think Alton and I could be friends. Quirky, witty, and fond of the well-rounded approach to food.
8. Tim Gunn (Project Runway) I want Tim to mentor me...even though I don't care about designing clothes. My favorite moments are when he visits a contestant at home that lives a vastly different life (Jay McCarol, season 1).  Tim looks like he'd be uncomfortable, but he never is.  He goes with it.
7. Cast of The Best Week Ever (VH1) The best cast ever.
6. Richard Davis and his Crew (especially Richard and Ginger).  This is a show that started on A&E and is now on TLC and called The Real Deal. They flip properties for profit--but what a bunch.  Proof that you can be from South Carolina and not be like Paula Dean (who might be from Georgia, but that's details).
5. Judge Judy Sheindlin Her show is pretty funny, but I actually like her not being "Judge Judy." She's been on a lot of talk shows recently and she herself is hysterical in her pull-no-punches approach.  She reminds me of a really good friend I had, which is probably the source of my enjoyment.
4. Craig Ferguson Yeah, he's a late-night guy but 1) I love his Scottish accent and 2) He's very funny.  His stand-up can be hit or miss, but his interviewing style is really engaging.  Compared to those mentioned above (Leno and Daly) this guy hits it out of the park.
3. Kathy Griffin. She's on my A-list and I'm not sure why.  I find her show so entertaining, probably because she does things I always wanted to but just simply can't because people would slug me.
2. Stacey and Clinton (What Not to Wear) They perfectly blend insulting and nurturing. It's like coordinating strips and prints.  God bless 'em.
1. Bear Grylls If you haven't seen Man vs. Wild on Discovery, you should.  Not only is this dude's real name Bear, but he's fascinating.  Once when he was "trapped" on the African savannah, he squeezed water out of elephant poop and drank it (that sounds like a 2-year-old said it, thus capturing the fascination)...then he suggested we should do the same if ever in that situation.  After that, how can I not love Bear.

At this point, I have to say that I didn't mention anyone in sit-coms.  That's a whole other post that may be the solution to serious procrastination.  Look for that in the future.